Family Matters
by InannaOfTheMoon
Summary: Her entire life, all she ever wanted was a family. One-Shot.


_**Authors Note:**_

_Small story/prompt I thought of last year, after watching seasons 14 to 19 for the first time._

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His laugh was all she needed to be pulled back on her feet again everyday, and see that the world wasn't entirely wrong and distorted as her daily life would always remind her. To be quite honest to herself, she wasn't completely sure how she had made that far without going either crazy or berserk - on her own flesh or other's. Maybe that was the only thing that would make her accept her therapist's words and admit she was probably made of something stronger than just said flesh or skin and bones, after all.

He smiled again, but not at her - she was just there sitting on the couch, observing them play together on that soft rug and getting more philosophical than she was expecting on a kid's playdate.

Holding a small plush elephant and making funny voices to entertain him, the little girl looked up at her, a bright expression on her face - with her purple glittery tutu and princess tiara on her dark silky hair, she looked so adorable she indeed seemed like an enchanted little princess from an old fairy tale.

Olivia smiled back at her. Zara turned to look at Noah again, picking up a tiger plush laying nearby and making it talk to the elephant one on her other hand, with a different funny voice. Noah watched them, happily clapping his little hands.

Amaro had to answer to a call, so he asked her to pick Zara at school on his behalf, and she told him not to worry without hesitation. Zara loved to come over and play with Noah, even though he was still just a baby. He too seemed to like the little girl a lot, with her colorful costumes and cheerful make-believe games. The children would always make her home brighter and life, lighter.

"Aunt Liv! I'm hungry again."

"Are you sure you are Zara and not some wild lion in disguise?", she asked, playfully. The girl laughed, not thinking the comparison was bad at all. She loved animals - specially kittens.

"Let's feed these little lions, then!", Olivia said, as she stood up and picked Noah up, telling Zara to follow her to the tiny kitchen. She made her a turkey sandwich and gave her a box of chocolate milk, and then fed Noah a sliced banana. After Noah ate, he wanted to cuddle and so she did, holding him in her arms. Zara finished her snack as she watched Noah get sleepy against his mother's chest.

With Noah asleep in his crib and Zara now watching _Frozen _, Olivia was once more strangely diving into her thoughts that afternoon. Zara sang along to _Do You Want to Build a Snowman? _by her side, softly not to wake Noah up, and as she watched Anna and Elsa growing up together, but estranged on the screen, Olivia imagined how in a close future, Noah would also be happily singing cartoon songs with Zara like close cousins - or siblings.

Simon immediately came to her mind, like he hadn't in quite some time.

Of all messed-up family relationships she had, Simon was definitely the weirdest she had ever experienced. He showed up into her life - or better put, the other way around; he kept contact with her for a while and then just kind of disappeared for half a decade, showing up only to ask for her help again. She had no problems helping people, specially her own brother, but as inexperienced in family dynamics she was, she still recognized when she was being just used or manipulated. More than just upset about that, she was still truly hurt by the fact he disappeared again, once she wasn't needed anymore. Even with her niece being named after her, she felt as distant from that child as galaxies are apart from each other.

She looked at Zara, who was now playing like she was Elsa, standing up, mimicking and repeating some of the character's lines as she was being crowned the queen in the ceremony on-screen. And then, the obvious conclusion just came to Olivia - Zara Amaro was much more her niece than Olivia Marsden would ever be. That was absurd. Unacceptable. But mostly, the thought just made her really sad.

And with that chain of facts playing in her mind, it was just automatic to also see that Amaro had been much more a brother to her in just a couple of years of knowing each other, than Simon had been in all the seven years they had known about each other's existence: she watched with her mind's eye all the times Amaro came over to help, comfort, and support her. The times he had helped her at work, defended and saved her life - and the other way around; all the times he accompanied Noah and her to the local playground and played happily with her son.

She had reflected on the meaning of "_family_" before - too many times to count, way much more than she wanted to admit -, and this was being one of these reflections, she finally recognized. However, something was different this time. It didn't take much time for her to pinpoint what exactly was it, and she felt silly and a bit ashamed it took her this long to realize.

She spent years of her life wondering about how different she was from other kids when she was younger, about how her family wasn't like other families, why her family was not _normal _.

Olivia had wandered around lost for half a century already, half of it dedicated to her work, seeing partners coming and going; finding, loving and adopting Noah. All of that led her to that very moment, where she sat on her couch in a Thursday afternoon watching _Frozen _with her partner's daughter dressed as a princess herself - it was like the strangest, but long yearned, unburdening epiphany.

She had focused so much on what is considered as the default path for people and the be-all and end-all of all things, she was completely blind to what was right in front of her.

Olivia _did _have a family. Her own family. She had her baby son, she had brothers and sisters working side by side with her at the precinct - she had had Elliot and Alex and Casey, still had Finn and Munch, and now she had Amaro, she had Barba, Rollins, Carisi. She had a niece - little Zara. She even had a father figure - Don Cragen filled those shoes for years and she just fully realized that.

Zara sang _Let It Go, _gesturing the ice magic like Queen Elsa, and Olivia watched the little girl with a tender smile, and thought of Noah, peacefully sleeping in his little room, she thought of Amaro, and all the others once more. It was a messy and complicated family, Olivia realized she had. Not one like Elliot had, with the "classic" molds, but it wasn't _less_ of a family because of that.

And just because some of her friends had to leave and go on separate ways due to a myriad of reasons, they were not less important or less part of her life for that. She had learned a long time ago that sometimes, she had to let the ones she loved the most go on, without her. She missed them every single day, and that alone was all the evidence she needed to prove that their place in her heart and family was there, forever. Even if their presence in her everyday had waned to few meetings a year. Even if their presence had almost vanished into just a couple of messages and emails and phone calls from time to time - which still was very, very different from the blunt disappearance of Simon that had hurt her a lot. Not anymore.

It was a messy and complicated family she had, Olivia thought once more, with her heart lighter than it had ever been in the longest time. Definitely not a "normal" family - but it didn't have to be. It didn't have to be, at all.

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_**Author's Note:  
**_

_Little context story-time: Way back in 2009 (God, I feel old), I wrote an SVU/Cold Case crossover fanfic called "Inside the Shell" where I drew parallels between the protagonists, pointing out how similar they were in a very introspective manner. I drew a lot of parallels between Olivia and Scott Valens: how they felt like they always "destroyed" everything they touched, how they felt like violent people and felt that lack of self-control was so imbued into their actions and personalities, how they were "protectors" of their partners, and so on. Scotty was played by Danny Pino, so it was a nice surprise when, years later, he joined the SVU cast with a character SO RIDICULOUSLY similar to Scotty, to be the partner of no one other than Liv herself; it's a small, weird headcanon that I have since then that I somehow "predicted" it and that my fic somehow came to reality; and that Amaro really just is Scotty Vallens who was transfered from Philadelphia and now is older and got kids. Their names being different doesn't really matter._

_So that's one of the reasons why I got extremely fascinated by Liv's dynamics with Amaro in the show and how, in my perception, he pretty much took Simon's place as her brother in many, many ways (the weird lack of continuity and how Simon was barely even mentioned after his introduction being just one of them.)_

_So, this is it. I hope you enjoyed the fanfic!_


End file.
